Today she asked me "are Isaac & Hannah our babies"
I said "yes, they are but they couldn't come home from the hospital & live with us"
She asked why & I told her because they were sick to which she asked "did God heal them?"
I told her that yes He did..in Heaven.
Then she asked me "are you crying?"
I felt all this hurt rising up & all these tears coming...
"yes baby, I'm crying in my heart"
My beautiful girl ran & hugged me with a huge smile on her face & her big sister joined her. These little arms wrapped around me & although my heart hurt my spirit rose, & I felt the joy of having these precious two with me, & their sisters as well.
God does give me sweet moments with ALL my children. Earlier as I made lunch I heard the girls playing & as all children do, they were pretending & imagining. I could hear from the kitchen as they played with their "friends"
You know what their friends names were right?
Isaac & Hannah =)
I heard squealing & laughter as well as my sweet babies names, it was as if they were in the next room. That felt really good.
Then last Sunday my oldest was being attacked by her tickle monster sisters. It was so cute. Cow pinned down as these itty bitty girls jumped on her & tickled every part they could get their hands on! Even the Wee Piglet tried to get in on the action. All the girls were rolling around on the floor & laughing, & somehow..someway, Isaac & Hannah were there.
I know people don't believe that sort of thing, but I'm not being weird. My babies were playing & rolling on the floor. It was not in this world & no I don't mean some odd ghostly supernatural thing.
But, if you've lost a child you know what I'm talking about & you don't think I'm weird.
At times my girls ask really hard questions about their baby brother & sister, even Cow who is 16 still asks at times. I don't always have the answers, but they know they can always talk about them & no question is off limits. We are as open as we can be & this helps to heal all of our hearts.
There will never be a time that Isaac & Hannah are not a part of our lives. They are more than children that died. They are someones brother & sister, someones grandson & granddaughter, someones nephew & niece, someones cousin, someones friend...& they are my SON & DAUGHTER.
I will honor them by speaking their names & allowing their sisters to love them.
The Blessed Supermom
This post just made me cry. I have never had a child but I have been trying since August 2005. Still childless, heartbroke, mourning over something that will NEVER happen. I pray for you and your sweet family. If only I could have your uplifting spirits if I ever have to go through this.
ReplyDelete*Sigh* We took our girls out to see Carter yesterday (It's been a while) and for I think the first time daddy was with me when the questions started from Hannah. She asked all of the typical Where is he? Why did he die? questions and I let her daddy do the explaining. I could sense the lump in his throat when he told her about her little brother. But like you, I will always, ALWAYS tell my girls about him and I will always tell them all about their brother.
ReplyDeleteLove you, girl!
Katie I'm so so sorry for the hurt you're going through right now. The only reason I have survived is by gripping tightly to His hand. Thank you for your prayers & I'm praying for you as well sweetie. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteYes Sara, it's so difficult to see our big tough men hurting but we know they'll be able to love on those little boys one day. Love you too girlie =)
ReplyDelete