Monday, April 30, 2012

Falling In Love With My Husband

More often then not when I blog it's about my children & rightfully so, my blog is titled Confessions of a Supermom. But I'm feeling I need to share about my husband today. I can truly say I've had more then a tumultuous marriage, in part due to my bitter choices. 

I have held his wrong choices against him & chosen to live in the past rather then trust God for my future. I came into this marriage a very wounded girl, I had a painful childhood growing up in an alcoholic & dysfunctional home. For many years I've lived in anger but could never pin point why I was so angry, it would plague me continually that I held this deep dark secret. I felt if anyone ever knew how quickly I could explode I would be rejected. 
I never paid attention to the fact that for 12 years I had someone who never left me. My husband continued to love & accept me with all my faults, of course he has his issues too but this post isn't about his problems.

Besides, regardless of what The Hubby does God calls me as his wife to honor, respect, & revere him. There will be a day when I stand before the LORD accountable for my actions & I'll be all alone. I wont be able to say "but did you see what he did?" "did you hear what he said"
It wont matter at that point because God's word is infallible & I can't make excuses for my behavior.
Only recently I've begun to open my eyes to the damage I have done to my marriage & family, for years I've made excuses for my behavior & the truth is I have no good excuse.
Yes, I am a very wounded person both by my own hands & the hands of others but I have a I live in bondage or walk in freedom??

Due to some recent events in my life I have finally chosen freedom, I have made the decision to love my husband with abandon. And ya know what? It's beautiful, he really is an amazing man!! We haven't had one single argument in weeks because the truth is I've decided I would rather be married than right. Does this mean I'm not entitled to my opinion? No.

It just means my opinion can hold a lot more weight if I deliver it correctly. What man wants to be hollered at because he's making the wrong choice? What man will rise up in leadership if he's constantly being questioned? The truth is ladies our men NEED us to be their cheerleaders. They NEED to know that even when the whole world is against them that they can come home to a friend that loves them unconditionally. Our men NEED to know we admire them & believe in them & they NEED to know that they can make a mistake & still be loved. 

My husband is a gift from God & it's taken me 12 long years to receive that gift. I mourn & grieve over all the time lost & praise God that we wont be old & grey still fighting. I enjoy laughing with him & cuddling up with him. The truth is now I feel as though I can't get enough of him, I'm falling in love. 

Ladies, I encourage you to pray & pray hard for the pains that you carry that are effecting your marriage. We are all broken in one way or another & satan seeks to destroy the family, the best way to do that is to start with the parents. For the few men that are reading this I encourage you to actively pursue your wife, my husband began doing that regardless of my actions & I have never felt more loved. He loved me through God's heart & that gave me self worth I didn't believe I could ever have. 

There is a scripture I believe applies to this & I hope you feel it's true impact.

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. 
Deuteronomy 30:19

What will you choose?

The Blessed Supermom

Wednesday, April 25, 2012


"Mama? Mama hands..."
Sleepy...groggy "huh" 
"whaa?? Oh hi sweetie"
"Mama hands??"
"What baby, what?? Your hands are purple!?"

This is how my day began, with my munchkin coming to wake me & let me know her hands were purple. I flew out of bed afraid she found Cow's sharpies but I realized it didn't smell like marker.
Lip gloss? 
I went into the girls room to find that Cow's BRAND NEW WHITE BED was covered in purple nail polish!! There was purple nail polish all over the foot board, spilled on the floor, & drops here & there on the area rug, also new.

I just about lost my head, really I felt it do a full 360 as my eyes apparently bugged completely out of my face. It took everything inside me to contain my anger. I'm not going to lie, every ounce of me was trying to focus on self control & not completely flip out. I called Big Daddy to help me keep some sense, he answered & I started talking a mile a minute asking him to pray because I was quite certain he was coming home to twins. Why you ask? Because I was going to knock that little girl so hard she would split into two!!
No, I really wouldn't do that but I was seething & knew I wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't want to say something I would regret. 
So of course my calm & logical husband answered with "is she okay? did she ingest any? is any in her eyes?"
That slowed me down a bit, I knew she was fine but it made me gain perspective, For that I was grateful. The other two girlies woke up & scooted Piglet out of the room as I began my 3 hour clean up. Normally I would have the little bit help clean up so she could understand a little better but this was a complete wreck & there was no way she could get her hands in. I was even stepping in nail polish leaving purple prints everywhere!

As I cleaned I kept asking God to show me how I could teach her this was wrong, all the while tense with anger & frustration. At one point my little purple munchkin came in the room, showed me her purple feet & said "pretty?'
That's when I realized what happened, she was trying to paint her nails & just like any other kid when she was done she began "coloring"

My heart softened. I realized she wasn't being "bad" she was being human. I saw that this whole ordeal depended on me, what would my kids remember of this? A screaming lunatic of a mother or a mother full of grace? I began to see although what she did to the bed was wrong it was just a bed. It didn't have a heart to capture & protect & it could be replaced. My little girls feelings couldn't. If I actually flipped out on her she would of been wounded & satan would have a perfect opportunity to hurt her heart through my own mouth. 

The tension began to release, I put on the radio to relax & Lutzer was on encouraging me with his sermon on trials & difficulties in life, He spoke about David hiding in the mountains being pursued by Saul who was trying to kill him. David was afraid & discouraged at times but continually praised God & trusted Him. I think waking up to a spill of purple nail polish is small potatoes compared to David's plight. The message helped me to grasp that when the frustrations hit & even though they can be so overwhelming, God is the key. He is the one that will keep you grounded to the truth. 

Well, I'm happy to say after 3 hours the room is spotless. I like to think God honored my listening to His calm spirit & blessed me with working hands that somehow cleaned this mess to the point there is no evidence it ever existed! 

I'm happy to say that after this fun ordeal I layed down my little punkin for a nap. I peeked in to see this angelic creature sleeping ever so innocently. So thankful that I didn't lose my cool (with God's help) & hurt her heart with foolish words. I then relaxed with a book & fell asleep myself.

"Mommy...uhhh the baby got black stuff all over the nightstand..."


The Blessed Supermom