Monday, November 1, 2010


I survived.....I think.
I think I survived Day 1 of my diet, the reason I say "I think" is because there are still a few hours left in the day & there is fresh bread just waiting for me to slather it with butter & devour it before anyone knows.
Honestly, this is a lot harder than I remember, has the first day always been this difficult?? I'm hungrier than ever, I feel like I could violently break in the windows of a bakery & eat EVERYTHING. I don't understand my tummy.
Usually I don't eat much of anything all day, I know I know...that's bad. But it's the truth, I don't eat, maybe a little bit here & there but no real food. Sometimes, I realize I haven't eaten when I'm suddenly sick.
Soooo, I thought I would feel great this morning when I got up & ate breakfast and at first I did but after 2 hours I was hungry! And I had "a well balanced meal" what gives?? I realized throughout the day that I was hungry every 2-3 hours. I remember someone telling me once your supposed to eat every few hours but I have no idea why.
The big thing I noticed was that I did good all day, it was difficult but I did it until.....
I was sad.
I'm having struggles with my parenting, I have a lot of insecurity right now. My girls aren't being the children I'd like them to be. I love them but I suppose I'm taking there behavior very personal.
All day I felt like a less than good mama because they weren't doing as told & I lost my temper more than once. Then The Hubby told me he has to work overtime tomorrow & I won't be able to visit a friend I very much want to see. Well, after my day & that bit of news I just wanted to eat everything. I didn't care about my efforts of the day, I didn't care about my commitment to myself & others.
I just wanted the hurt to stop & food was the good & reliable friend waiting to console me. I knew I needed to pray, I knew I needed to confess to God my idolatry.
But, I couldn't, because then the shame comes. It's a vicious roller coaster, but it's one I refuse to stay on any longer. I can't live this way, it's not good physically nor emotionally.

O Lord, My God, Forgive me. I need you so desperately for I am weak, I am unable & unsure. Lord steady my feet & light my path on this unknown journey. I am timid & afraid, Goliath jeers & laughs at me & I see that I am incapable. But I call on the Mighty God of Israel, I call on The Most High God to enable me through His power. I praise you Abba Father for you are good & merciful. Thank you Lord. In your matchless name, Amen


  1. The first day or days for that matter are always hard! Don't be discouraged! As for eating every few hours it's supposed to help your metabolism. For instance eating 6 small meals rather than the american norm of three big meals. I'm walking with you through this :) (((hugs)))