Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Control, who's got it?

My life has seem to have been spinning out of control for a while now. First I was going through this huge change with my anti siezure meds. I was getting terrible ferocious headaches, I was also battling insomnia & occasional nausea. Put this altogether & it brings on the big "D"


Now lately there are more recent things happening like the diagnosis of my step moms lung cancer, financial fall outs, relational issues.
So much mess, so much to CONTROL.
See I don't think trying to get things in order is necessarily a bad thing because it really isn't but discernment is vital.
For example, I can control my end of relationships but I most definitely have absolutely no control of how someone treats me. I have control over what I'll allow.
Will I let a person hurt me? No, I can control that persons involvement in my life. Can I control there behavior? No
To try & do so is futile.

How about my step moms cancer?
Well, the cruel truth is I have absolutely no say so over that one.
So I can make myself crazy thinking of how horrible God is for allowing it. Maybe how terrible the air quality is in our environment. I can jump up & down about all the things that should be.
Or....I could let go of the control. I could release all of this insanity & accept I am powerless.
I like the idea of letting go, I mean don't get me wrong letting go isn't easy. In fact it's real hard but I think trying to micro manage every little hairy detail of life is a lot harder.
So as for me I'm gonna try & do the letting go thing.
I'm still gonna be ticked off if someone treats me poorly but I think choosing to set up boundaries instead of going batty trying to make them act a certain way. I'm still upset beyond words that my stepmother is battling cancer but I'll do the only thing I can.
That's the best choice don't ya think?

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