Adventures in Potty Training

So, this adventure in the Zoo is actually over a year old but I came across it the other day & thought it was worth sharing. Enjoy!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 3:13pm

OK, so My Monkey is just too old to be runnin around in dipeys. She's about to turn 3 in 2 weeks & up until 2 days ago was refusing to use the potty. Now mind you I have attempted on several occasions to potty train my sweet & oh so innocent angel. However, The Monkey is afraid. Yep, that's right...terrified of poopin. Now, you gotta understand, she is a little, I mean tiny girl. She's a pixie. Unfortunately her # 2's are not!! She has a normal little 3 year olds appetite & can prove it in her diaper!! But enough bout that you get the picture, the point is, she's been really scared. We tried to potty train her a few weeks back. I talked it up somethin fierce with this little one, she was so excited to be a "Big Girl" Got all new drawers for her too!! Dora & Elmo were in high demand & Mommy swiftly ran to the store to pick them up. Don't forget the Disney Princess potty seat!! So, here we go, it's the day of reckoning & My Monkey Girl would sit on her little potty, ever so cute, "no pee-pee mommy" get up walk away...
then promptly go pee on MY bedroom floor!! Or better yet, there was the time I walked in, again...MY ROOM, to find a nice little pile of poop. We don't have a dog....
So, per my mama's advice we halted all training. Mainly so I wouldn't go completely bonkers.
So, in my potty hiatus I decided to do some research on potty training. With a skeptical eye I looked up everything I could on potty training, reading up on all the new fads. And lo & behold...I come across a book that claims, I repeat...CLAIMS, you can potty train your child in ONE DAY.
I checked it out from the local library & looked it over, the whole time thinkin "yeah, uh huh...right" It sounded too easy & impossible at the same time. I mean ONE DAY??? And of course, I have to buy stuff, not much, but none the less, a dolly that wets. So, OK, I'm thinkin, I have to at LEAST try. This kid can't be sportin a diaper much longer.
So here we are again, D-day. I shooed everyone out of the house so "Her Royal Monkiness" could have my undivided attention. And the sippy cup marathon commenced. As Monkey "trained" a dolly she was encouraged to drink...LOTS. The book also advised small candy rewards everytime she did somethin right, which was about every 2 seconds. So, here I am with an apron on chock full of jelly beans, & I'm poppin 'em in her mouth & jumpin up & down for just about anything. She caught on quick & was squealing & happy about her dolly bein dry. But, here's the catch, the whole time all this excitement is happenin, Monkey is steady "feeding" her baby. Member, this is a baby that wets, so it comes with a little bottle. So I get ready to pick up the baby & get all excited because "dollys dry" & guess what?? Dolly freakin leaked!! And I don't mean a little dribble, her little fake panties ballooned out from her plastic toosh!! So, I hafta figure out how to keep this from Mrs.Monkey, I pick up the plastic baby & wrap her in my apron. But wait a minute, my apron pockets are full of stupid jelly beans!! So now, I'm walkin around with a wet plastic baby & beans all over the floor & Monkey's screamin "yea!! Dolly's dry!!" Here I am desperately tryin to visualize a "happy place" as I paste on a grin...maybe I should just hold off. OK wait, I'm not givin up this early in the game. SO I try to keep Monkey excited about this potty training so I'm pumpin her full of candy & chocolate milk, & potato chips too, to keep her thirsty for more. Now in my zeal for diaper freedom, I didn't note the obvious, these snacks were an accident waitin to happen. I mean she NEVER eats like this. So I shouldn't of been surprised when she threw up all over me, but...I was. Go figure.
Apparently tho, this made her feel better & she WANTED to continue this potty escapade! She liked all the attention, so we continued & 5 hours later....SUCCESS!!
She is potty trained!!
Forget that it looks like a jelly bean war zone in my kitchen with chocolate milk explosions & the smell of vomit lingering in the air....she can pee in the potty. And I don't have to change anymore stinky diapers, she's no longer frightened of the end result from last nites mac n cheese.

In Him,
The Blessed Zookeeper